Jokes and one liners from the back row

Spin your yarns here.
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
cmcslide
Posts: 99
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:16 pm
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by cmcslide »

I went to the Canary Islands once... didn't see a single canary anywhere. Same thing in the Virgin Islands, though, no canaries there either!
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
JeffDeault
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Dec 27, 2019 1:09 pm
Location: Rouyn-Noranda, Qc, Can

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by JeffDeault »

What's the difference between a bassoon and a vacuum cleaner?

Vibrato.
afugate
Posts: 644
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 5:47 am
Location: Oklahoma City

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by afugate »

JeffDeault wrote: Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:05 pm What's the difference between a bassoon and a vacuum cleaner?

Vibrato.
Your vacuum cleaner can do vibrato? Cool! :good: :lol:

--Andy in OKC
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

When life gives you lemons...
kill them
crush them
drink their souls
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
Doubler
Posts: 368
Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2019 8:56 pm

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Doubler »

Current instruments:
Olds Studio trombone, 3 trumpets, 1 flugelhorn, 1 cornet, 1 shofar, 1 keyboard

Previous trombones:
Selmer Bundy, Marceau
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

That’s harder than slamming a revolving door.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

Her only flair is in her nostrils.


.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
AndrewMeronek
Posts: 972
Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2018 6:09 pm
Location: Detroit area
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by AndrewMeronek »

Doubler wrote: Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:26 pm
Dammit, this is hilarious!

"I don't play high and loud and I get chicks all the time. Chicks like trombone players. They think the way we move our slides is sexy. The only thing sexy about a trombone player is the trumpet player who sits behind him."
“All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians.”

- Thelonious Monk
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

When our phones auto correct to "duck" it's still fowl language.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

Never teach a wolf to meditate because it will become an "aware" wolf.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

You had to stand in line to hate him.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
User avatar
dbwhitaker
Posts: 72
Joined: Thu May 16, 2019 2:43 pm
Location: Berkeley, CA, USA

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by dbwhitaker »

Social distancing via trombone. (I just stumbled across this. I don't know this guy.)

Mikebmiller
Posts: 871
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 9:13 am
Location: Spartanburg, SC

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Mikebmiller »

AndrewMeronek wrote: Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:27 pm
Doubler wrote: Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:26 pm
Dammit, this is hilarious!

"I don't play high and loud and I get chicks all the time. Chicks like trombone players. They think the way we move our slides is sexy. The only thing sexy about a trombone player is the trumpet player who sits behind him."
Why are they having this argument in a parking deck?
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

I'm so happy I could just fart glitter!!!
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

"This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read."
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
User avatar
samopn
Posts: 48
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2019 7:23 am
Location: London (Essex, actually)

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by samopn »

Whenever I practice my trombone passers like it so much they throw bricks through the windows so they can hear me better.

not my joke, this was from a British comedian called Les Dawson who famously did a skit of (very skilfully) playing the piano just badly enough so it was painful.

S
Jimprindle
Posts: 85
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:01 pm

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Jimprindle »

A trombone player and a tuba player passed by a bar....
Don't laugh! It could happen.
User avatar
JohnL
Posts: 1563
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:01 am
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by JohnL »

Jimprindle wrote: Tue May 19, 2020 7:22 pm A trombone player and a tuba player passed by a bar....
Don't laugh! It could happen.
Yup, the bar could be closed.
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

It does not matter whether you win or lose, it is how the band plays.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
RoscoTrombone
Posts: 204
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 10:04 am
Location: Bonnyrigg (near Edinburgh) Scotland

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by RoscoTrombone »

On having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a class music teacher a few years ago about some kids' inability to play basic things in time his line was "he has as much rhythm as a Catholic rabbit".

Left me in stitches that did 😂

It's also very easy line to throw at drummers 😂
User avatar
samopn
Posts: 48
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2019 7:23 am
Location: London (Essex, actually)

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by samopn »

I'm sure you've all heard this but just in case you haven't

.... and I'm told it's true.

So, during a particularly "robust" orchestral rehearsal a 3rd desk viola player turned to the 1st trombonist and complained about the volume.

Without any hesitation the trombonist said "well, if you'd practised more you'd be sitting in the 1st desk, not the 3rd, so don't blame me!"

I do hope it's true, and I wish I'd have thought of that when we did Henry Wood's Fantasia on British Sea Songs where the last 4 bars are fff with a crescendo, and I got a complaint...
whitbey
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:44 am
Location: Rochester Michigan North of Detroit.
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey »

When I was young I told my Grandma that when I grow up I wanted to play trombone. She told me I couldn’t do both.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Markus Leuchter Alto Trombone
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
Full list in profile
User avatar
samopn
Posts: 48
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2019 7:23 am
Location: London (Essex, actually)

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by samopn »

... and when I was young my Mum said "Oh for goodness sake, why don't you grow up, stupid"... so I did.

... and I went to the barbers and said "My hair needs cutting badly" so he did...
User avatar
Kingfan
Posts: 1132
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2018 8:32 pm
Location: Cleveland, OH

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Kingfan »

Riker.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are still missing! :D
Greg Songer
King 606, King 3B-F: DE LT101/LTD/D3
King 4B-F: Bach 5G Megatone gold plated
King 2107 bass: DE MB109/MB J/J8 King
User avatar
Kingfan
Posts: 1132
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2018 8:32 pm
Location: Cleveland, OH

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Kingfan »

Image
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are still missing! :D
Greg Songer
King 606, King 3B-F: DE LT101/LTD/D3
King 4B-F: Bach 5G Megatone gold plated
King 2107 bass: DE MB109/MB J/J8 King
Gary
Posts: 280
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:39 am

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Gary »

My band and I were rolling down an inter-state when two rear tires blew. Dangerous. The driver told us to get off the bus immediately. As I was exiting there was a real trickster standing at the front, looking at us and singing. "You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel".
AndrewMeronek
Posts: 972
Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2018 6:09 pm
Location: Detroit area
Contact:

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by AndrewMeronek »

I never get any respect, any at all. My cat is a lawyer. Whenever I leave her food dish empty, she summons my contract of indenture.
“All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians.”

- Thelonious Monk
User avatar
Kingfan
Posts: 1132
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2018 8:32 pm
Location: Cleveland, OH

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Kingfan »

My neighbor was pounding on on my front door at 3 am. How rude! Lucky for me I was still up practicing Wagner excerpts on my trombone...
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are still missing! :D
Greg Songer
King 606, King 3B-F: DE LT101/LTD/D3
King 4B-F: Bach 5G Megatone gold plated
King 2107 bass: DE MB109/MB J/J8 King
ldmitruk
Posts: 21
Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2018 6:50 pm
Location: Edmonton

Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by ldmitruk »

What's the difference between a sax solo and an Uzi?

An Uzi only repeats 30 times,
Post Reply

Return to “Tangents”