Ever quit a band?

[tbdana]

Have you ever quit, or considered quitting, a band/orchestra/ensemble? What was it, when, why, and how did you go about quitting?

I got hired to play with a funk/soul/rock band that is peopled by folks who used to play with bands like Tower of Power, Cold Blood, Aretha Franklin, etc. I thought it would be cool, in in many ways it is. Good band. But the vibe is so not me. Gigs are fun, but rehearsals suck. It's way too loud. Between tunes people are always playing and noodling, and yelling at each other over the mics. (Why? We're in a small room? You can't freakin' talk to people without screaming over the PA?) It's constant cacophony. And the rehearsals start an hour late and go an hour past the end time, then they all want to hang out. I'm "get there early, leave on time" kind of musician. I'm not built for the garage band experience, especially at my age.

I haven't quit yet, but I want to. Yet I have a hard time saying no. Give me the benefit of your experience and wisdom. Tell me your stories.

[BGuttman]

I've quit or considered quitting for any of the following reasons:

1. The musicians in the band are awful and it's not fun to play with them. (I've played with awful bands where it was fun to play with them.)
2. The music is uninteresting, or well below my level of playing.
3. I didn't get along with the other musicians (this is not a common problem).

Most of my gigs are unpaid and I don't feel any obligation to continue. If there is a performance upcoming, I will not quit and leave them in the lurch.

[hyperbolica]

I've quit a couple of paid gigs for similar reasons. The vibe/book/attitudes of the band were not me. The first one was a military band. I had to finish my commitment, and then just didn't re-up. At that point I vowed I'd only play in situations that I enjoyed. I changed professions to engineering. By not playing for a living anymore, I could afford to make that kind of decision. I didn't want to wind up resenting music, so I wasn't going to play Eye Of The Tiger every gig anymore.

The second band I quit was 30 years later. It was a semi-pro pretty good local big band. But the leadership changed, and now the bass player was in charge, and he constantly lectures about volume, but the loudest instrument in the band BY FAR was of course the electric bass. There was a lot of bad blood in the band, and it was becoming exactly the thing that drove me out of music so long ago, so I just told them one gig was my last. I was over committed and had to make choices.

But yeah, band vibe can really kill things.

[tbdana]

I've quit a couple of paid gigs for similar reasons. The vibe/book/attitudes of the band were not me. The first one was a military band. I had to finish my commitment, and then just didn't re-up. At that point I vowed I'd only play in situations that I enjoyed. I changed professions to engineering. By not playing for a living anymore, I could afford to make that kind of decision. I didn't want to wind up resenting music, so I wasn't going to play Eye Of The Tiger every gig anymore.

The second band I quit was 30 years later. It was a semi-pro pretty good local big band. But the leadership changed, and now the bass player was in charge, and he constantly lectures about volume, but the loudest instrument in the band BY FAR was of course the electric bass. There was a lot of bad blood in the band, and it was becoming exactly the thing that drove me out of music so long ago, so I just told them one gig was my last. I was over committed and had to make choices.

But yeah, band vibe can really kill things.

Your post speaks to me. lol.

I, too, did not vibe in the military. I quit after my initial commitment. I have no idea how guys like Doug and Harry deal with that culture long term. It didn't help my situation that I was an egalitarian in the ultimate authoritarian culture. Even today I bridle at conductors and divas who think they are more important than the rest of us. I'm just not built for that vibe, I guess.

Also, I ended up getting jaded and quitting music for 30 years, and part of the reason I'm thinking of quitting this band is so I don't start hating the music business again.

[harrisonreed]

Yeah, I quit a band in Colorado run by a crook who stopped paying what he promised. He was actually taking advantage of military musicians (who could play) and paying more to his friends, who were ringers (some of whom could not play), trying to get his brass band off the ground.

[tbdana]

Yeah, I quit a band in Colorado run by a crook who stopped paying what he promised. He was actually taking advantage of military musicians (who could play) and paying more to his friends, who were ringers (and many of whom could not play)

Yeah, not getting paid what you're promised makes it an easy decision. Sorry that happened to you. I know a guy who will rectify that situation for $300 cash left in a paper bag in a bus station locker.

[AndrewMeronek]

Rock/pop cover bands that are filled with good friends, but who don't really have a concept of volume control or punctuality, aren't uncommon. I have seen a couple over the years, but have never been a regular member of one. I am of a similar opinion: it's fun to spot-fill for a gig and one rehearsal (maybe, it depends on what they're playing - often, I don't need any rehearsal if they have decently written horn parts) but I'm not interested in being a regular member of such a band.

I think there is nothing wrong with citing your specific reasons as a reason for bowing out: "I need to protect my hearing and you're always too loud" or "I need more time with my family and your rehearsals always take way too long".

[harrisonreed]

Yeah, I quit a band in Colorado run by a crook who stopped paying what he promised. He was actually taking advantage of military musicians (who could play) and paying more to his friends, who were ringers (and many of whom could not play)

Yeah, not getting paid what you're promised makes it an easy decision. Sorry that happened to you. I know a guy who will rectify that situation for $300 cash left in a paper bag in a bus station locker.

That's pretty low! But also more than I got stiffed, so... I will not use their service.

[chouston3]

Quitting communities (bands) can be difficult. I used to grit my teeth and stick it out in unpleasant situations

This is not the way to live your life if it can be avoided.

Before I join an ensemble, I set my conditions for quitting. I have to note that as a volunteer musician, it is a lot easier for me to bounce out of an ensemble than it would be if it was a paid gig.

My whole point of trombone is to have fun with my music and meet like minded people. If a band does not help me meet this goal, I try to leave sooner rather than later.

[Posaunus]

I haven't quit yet, but I want to. Yet I have a hard time saying no. Give me the benefit of your experience and wisdom. Tell me your stories.

Dana,

I have left a couple of groups (only two, as I recall), not out of animosity, but when it stopped being enough fun to be worth my time.

My suggestion: At your next rehearsal, smile and let your bandmates know, in a friendly manner, that you've enjoyed playing with them but that you'll be moving on. They'll push you to tell them why, but you owe them no detailed explanation, even though some of them may be your friends. Perhaps you can give them a recommendation for another trombonist as you walk out the door, saying "Let's keep in touch."

Good luck!

[harrisonreed]

It's a bit off topic, but since the topic of military bands did come up, it might be important to make a distinction between the Special Bands each branch has, like the Airmen of Note or Pershing's Own (that Doug and Harry (Watters) were a part of) and the Division, overseas, and Regional Bands. My career has been in Division and overseas Army Bands, and sometimes the military day to day does get to me but for the vast majority of my career it has been great music, particularly in the overseas bands. I think the Special Bands have a lot less of the military day to day to deal with, but it's not zero either. They have PT tests and weight restrictions, etc, too. I can't speak to Doug's experience in the Airmen, but I don't think the Special Bands are really too authoritarian.

I do well mentally with the job because every other assignment has been some unique place overseas for me, and I actively seek those assignments out. Japan and Korea (Alaska also counts as overseas!) were absolutely fantastic times in my life.

[ghmerrill]

Quitting communities (bands) can be difficult.

Well, if it's a struggle with yourself. Or if you've overtly made a commitment of some sort. Otherwise, life is too short to endure the self-torture. I've quit and returned to the same couple of bands several times (and for several different reasons) -- in ways that didn't result in any hurt feelings. It's often the case that the people you're quitting from really won't care much (if at all), or will just wish you well with your change.

I used to grit my teeth and stick it out in unpleasant situations

I repeat: Life is too short.

If a band does not help me meet this goal, I try to leave sooner rather than later.

There you go. Sometimes, if your goal is to help the band be better by providing a sound foundation in one of the sections, some degree of suffering and teeth-gritting may be necessary and tolerable.

[Bach5G]

I had hoped to join a local orchestra for years and, after years of subbing, finally got the invite a couple of years ago. But this fall I stepped away.

The main reason was the driving. Too much time on the road in traffic. Usually an hour or so each way depending on the tunnel and the bridge. It’s a very good orchestra but that meant I never felt really confident in my playing. So I found it pretty stressful. And, by and large, orchestral playing is just not much fun. Counting, no margin of error. Some memorable moments to be sure: VW’s London Symph, Shostakovich 5, and Symphonie Fantastique come to mind. But I also totally cacked some Holst last spring. Memorable for the wrong reasons.

[VJOFan]

One group I quit started as a bunch of players at a recurring jam session who invited me to play a gig. After that gig they wanted to become a smooth jazz ensemble and rehearse 3 hours a week. I had to tell them that those plans didn’t fit my life at that moment.

The second group I quit was a big band I had been in for several years. When my older boy began to display more challenging behaviours related to his developmental differences, I had to choose to stay home more at night and support my wife. The band, mostly dads, understood and supported that move.

The third group I quit was my actual trombone job back in the day. Even though nothing makes me feel as good in the moment as playing the trombone, I have always most valued stability, predictability and financial comfort as a lifestyle. Playing in a regional orchestra that fought to stay afloat each year was not going to be a long range plan for me and it was clear that I wasn’t going to win another audition any time soon. I resigned after a year’s leave to go back to school to become a teacher as my wife had a year before.

I did quit a group in high school for angst reasons. It was an all city band. We were bashing through super hard repertoire each week, sounding really bad and there were no plans for concerts. I quit because it was no fun and soon after that the conductor of the group folded it up.

[Finetales]

I left a funk band I played in for a few years when I moved to Los Angeles. I gave them a year's notice of my plans and we did a big farewell show. The rest of the band originally planned to move out to LA with me and continue, but they got cold feet and stayed.

I also soft-quit a band here in LA by saying no to more and more of their gigs. The gigs always paid a comically low amount for the work - the bandleader insisted on multiple long rehearsals in inconvenient locations for a $100 gig. And the rehearsals were long because he ran them badly and always hired his friends (not professional musicians, or even good amateurs) to play in the rhythm section. I put up with it for awhile, but eventually I stopped saying yes. I think the turning point was when I said no to the band's big annual Palm Springs date (a whopping $150 for driving 3+ hours). Never got called again after that!

[harrisonreed]

There was a gig in Kansas where they wanted to pay $150 for alto trombone on an hour+ long piece, multiple rehearsals, and it would have been 12 hours total of driving. Noooope

[VJOFan]

I should have quit the Brazilian gig where the guy wanted me to transcribe my own parts off a really crappy cassette tape for a couple hundred bucks. Fortunately after the first rehearsal when no one could do anything a guy with those skills made a side deal to write all the music.

After the gig he and his buddies kept all the charts and hired their own rhythm players to do Latin gigs themselves.

[Kbiggs]

One of the groups I quit (out of 2? 3?) was a quintet I’d played in for about 12 years. It was a personality conflict. We were all respectful, and were all willing to put forth new and different ideas… until one of the trumpet players left. The new player was less of a team player, and often took up too much rehearsal time with jokes, anecdotes, not-so-good-natured ribbing of other players, etc.

The last straw for me was when we were playing a corporate Xmas party. For the second set, I kicked a tune off at the tempo we’d rehearsed, played the first few bars, and then the trumpet player part came in at a much faster tempo. After the gig (and after I’d calmed down a bit) I asked them why. “I just thought it would sound better at a faster tempo.” When I mentioned that good ensemble playing implies playing in the same tempo, similar articulation (unless marked), listening to each other, their response was something like, “Yeah, I know. I just like it faster.”

I thought about it for a few days, and then had lunch and a few beers with the tuba player (leader). I said I didn’t want to be in a group where one of us wasn’t a team player. I’d considered saying, “If he stays, I go,” but thought better of it: ultimatums are just bad form. I suggested a good replacement, which wasn’t honored.

That was a hard decision, even though I know it was right.

[mgladdish]

A few spring to mind.

The first, a latin gig. Fresh out of college, my naive self turned up early for the stated 11pm start. The rest of the band didn't arrive until gone midnight and the gig itself didn't even get started until 3am. Never again.

I also managed to quit a band before even starting once. There is/was an infamous function band leader, known for getting in literal fights with bandmembers and being just a general all-round dick. He phoned to see if I could do a gig once and I found myself saying "no thanks, I've heard the stories". Funnily enough, he never called again.

[Falin]

I am actually considering it now. The people in the band are really nice, but the leader is not doing a good job, and almost everything sounds horrible. It really, really bothers me, since it could be much better. But no one else has said anything about it, so I guess they think it´s ok, and in that case it should be me leaving.

[JohnL]

Sometimes it's not one big thing that prompts someone to leave a band, but a realization that there's no longer (or never really was) a good reason to stay.

[tbdana]

Sometimes it's not one big thing that prompts someone to leave a band, but a realization that there's no longer (or never really was) a good reason to stay.

Ah! Nice post. Begs the question what the priority ought to be, having a reason to stay or having a reason to leave.

[JohnL]

Sometimes it's not one big thing that prompts someone to leave a band, but a realization that there's no longer (or never really was) a good reason to stay.

Ah! Nice post. Begs the question what the priority ought to be, having a reason to stay or having a reason to leave.

balance.jpeg

[Macbone1]

I've quit (unpaid) groups for different reasons.
One brass choir relocated from 5 minutes away to an hour away. Not worth the gas. And there were unchallenging groups with weak trombone sections that had never heard of listening and following the lead player (me) plus my schedule had become overcommitted. I've politely declined to join many more groups than I've quit.

[Wilktone]

I've been on the side of needing to leave an ensemble, been part of ensembles where people have had to leave (some doing so well, others not so much), and been in the unfortunate position to not hire musicians again.

Yes, life is too short (and the pay is mostly too low) to put up with situations that are draining on you. If you're not hungry, don't do them.

You don't owe your fellow musicians a full explanation, just a professional one.

Not knowing the exact vibe and your band's schedule, but maybe let them know that you'll cover the next upcoming gig (or gigs if you've committed) and then you will need to step aside and let someone else play it. I'd also offer to recommend a couple of players or two, if you know some trombonists who would be interested and be able to hang musically.

If there's a book make sure it's in proper order before you leave.

You might offer your services as an occasional sub, if you would be willing to cover.

[Doug Elliott]

Be more careful of what you start

[JeffBone44]

I've quit my community wind ensemble several times over the years. Finally after that many times I've realized that it's not worth joining them again. Most recently, they have a new conductor who is just awful at conducting, yet everybody else praises her. And after nearly 20 years of being in the band, it's the same arrangements time and again, and the music is largely uninteresting. Some of it seems like it's written for a middle school band. I kept coming back to help out the trombone section, but now there are seven trombones besides me, so I'm no longer needed. Besides this group, I'm already in two orchestras and a big band, plus I do musicals and church gigs here and there, so I already have a full plate. I had to drop something just to have a night off, so the logical choice was the community wind ensemble.

[tbdana]

Follow-up: I tried to quit. But then they addressed all my concerns. So now I'm happy in the band.

[JohnL]

Follow-up: I tried to quit. But then they addressed all my concerns. So now I'm happy in the band.

That's a win. There were probably others in the group who shared at least some of your concerns but were reluctant to say anything. You're their hero now.

Hopefully the changes will last. In my experience, most of the time, they don't.

[biggiesmalls]

I played in our local concert band here in Santa Fe for a few years. I especially enjoyed the patriotic holidays and veteran's events outdoors, performing for a crowd of 12,000+ for the celebration of the city's Quadricentennial in 2010 at Fort Marcy, and playing Christmas concerts to a packed house at the magnificent Lensic Theater just off the Plaza.

It's a volunteer organization, so the range of abilities varies, but throughout most of my stint, the overall the level of playing was surprisingly high, with a significant number of players being retired pros who also performed in our local Pro Musica wind ensemble. The longtime conductor, a trumpet player, was talented, insightful, and chose interesting and challenging pieces; but most importantly, he loved and cherished his trombone section.

But it seems as though no one who wants to participate gets turned away, even if they don't realize that they're in over their heads. At some point there was an influx of flute players, mostly returning players who probably last played third part in high school. Suddenly, precious rehearsal time was being spent just trying to make this section listenable. In the end, I had ten flutes sitting directly in front of me, in an ensemble of 50 musicians, and it slowly began to wreak havoc on my sense of intonation (and my nerves). After my last Christmas concert, there was a two month break in rehearsals, and I simply didn't go back.

My biggest regret is that I never got to play the solo melody in "God Bless America" on my 1913 Conn Eb alto valve trombone, which I acquired shortly after quitting the ensemble.

[tbdana]

I played in our local concert band...the overall the level of playing was surprisingly high, with a significant number of players being retired pros...

Same thing for me when I started playing again after 30 years off. At my first community concert band rehearsal I saw Marni Johnson (French horn) and David Wells (bassoon), two retired L.A. studio players with whom I had worked. That night, I was invited to come to a local trombone ensemble that is led by Jefe Reynolds (bass trombone, retired L.A. Philharmonic). I continue to be amazed at how many former pros are playing in community groups around here. It raises the level of those groups significantly.

Suddenly, precious rehearsal time was being spent just trying to make this section listenable. In the end, I had ten flutes sitting directly in front of me, in an ensemble of 50 musicians, and it slowly began to wreak havoc on my sense of intonation (and my nerves). After my last Christmas concert, there was a two month break in rehearsals, and I simply didn't go back.

Yeah, again, same thing with me. The pitch was so atrocious in one community concert band that it affected my own ability to play in tune, and was Olympic level frustrating. So I quit just to preserve my sanity and the joy I was getting from returning to playing. Which was disappointing because I was really enjoying the people.

[AtomicClock]

The pitch was so atrocious in one community concert band that it affected my own ability to play in tune

It always struck me as odd that the current educational approach is to teach children to play in tune by having them play in bands with their peers. A real chicken-and-egg situation.

[JTeagarden]

To me, it is a calculation of what I am giving and receiving in an ensemble: I moved from the Chicago area to a small town in Michigan, going from managing a great big band fronted by a long-time Basie alum to playing in a local wind ensemble, with players ranging from 14 to over 80!

I like the local wind ensemble because I can serve as an example to younger players as regards phrasing, dynamics, style, knowing your place in the sonic universe, and especially sub-division! The music is simple, but it's music, and being consistent and reliable and a contributor now counts a lot to me, and going from suburban Chicago (which has the resources to provide a great musical education through high school) to a small Michiana town (which lacks such resources) means the young'ins are behind the curve, in terms of musical skills.

I have generally quit ensembles for some combination of receiving or being asked to give too little, and in rare cases, due to the general jackassedness of those running the ensemble (in one small jazz combo, the pianist, a little worm of a man, pitched a fit when I played a solo with a plunger, when the style - a dirty blues - kind of called for it).

I really had to fight the urge to wring his scrawny little neck; if I want to be dressed down by someone I have no respect for, I have family for that.

I once quit a jazz rock group immediately, because the two guys who ran it wasted most of the rehearsal time by trying to agree on which recording of what were classic tunes they were playing they wanted to play, forgetting what that actually meant in terms of the structure of the performance, and noodling on their guitars trying to recall what distinguished one recording from another (generally a few licks or so), I sat around listening to the two of them try to make sense of their respective visions for the tunes, and explained to my friend (a good trumpet player who asked me to join) why they would be endlessly frustrating.

[tbdana]

I have generally quit ensembles for some combination of receiving or being asked to give too little, and in rare cases, due to the general jackassedness of those running the ensemble (in one small jazz combo, the pianist, a little worm of a man, pitched a fit when I played a solo with a plunger, when the style - a dirty blues - kind of called for it).

I really had to fight the urge to wring his scrawny little neck; if I want to be dressed down by someone I have no respect for, I have family for that.

That reminds me of a story from decades ago. I was subbing in a cover band and played a solo on an old 80's disco tune. On the break, the bandleader berated me for it, saying, "That wasn't the solo on the record. Why didn't you just play the written out solo from the record? That's the solo. Who the hell do you think you are to play a different solo than on the record?"

Whereupon the keyboard player spoke up, saying, "Dude, she's the one who played it on the record."

That's the last time I worked for that guy.

[JTeagarden]

I have generally quit ensembles for some combination of receiving or being asked to give too little, and in rare cases, due to the general jackassedness of those running the ensemble (in one small jazz combo, the pianist, a little worm of a man, pitched a fit when I played a solo with a plunger, when the style - a dirty blues - kind of called for it).

I really had to fight the urge to wring his scrawny little neck; if I want to be dressed down by someone I have no respect for, I have family for that.

That reminds me of a story from decades ago. I was subbing in a cover band and played a solo on an old 80's disco tune. On the break, the bandleader berated me for it, saying, "That wasn't the solo on the record. Why didn't you just play the written out solo from the record? That's the solo. Who the hell do you think you are to play a different solo than on the record?"

Whereupon the keyboard player spoke up, saying, "Dude, she's the one who played it on the record."

That's the last time I worked for that guy.

I love it, same vibe from my pocket Napoleon

[Mr412]

I quit a church group where the musical director fancied himself as having perfect pitch and he micro-tuned us to death and then winced every time someone was 1/4 cent out (perhaps a slight exaggeration) when we played. It was a church ensemble and it was supposed to be fun and inspirational. He made it agony and it was difficult for him to fill the various parts (I wonder why).

I quit another church group where the musical director's hand was always in my face to play softer no matter how softly I played. I tested him by faking playing and still got his hand in my face. Enough.

Odd that every player is allowed to use some subtle type of vibrato - except trombone. I guess church ensembles think the motion of the slide vibrato is vulgar.

Church groups don't always have the best musical conductors. They are often just good players who assume the role. That's fine. I can live with that b/c that's pretty much me anyway. But it should be fun! When it isn't - with any group, church or other - it's time to exit, stage right.

Oh, and then there's the thing that since I was never actually a congregational member of any of the church groups I played in, the choice parts always got handed out to someone else who was, whether they were better than me (I didn't have a problem with that) or not (that was the problem).

Maybe I am overly-sensitive (sigh).

[mwpfoot]

Odd that every player is allowed to use some subtle type of vibrato - except trombone. I guess church ensembles think the motion of the slide vibrato is vulgar.

[officermayo]

This thread hits close to home for me and it's a bit ironic it would pop up today. I've recently been struggling with deciding to quit a band. Seeing the following statement made by chouston3 caught my attention immediately:

"Quitting communities (bands) can be difficult. I used to grit my teeth and stick it out in unpleasant situations This is not the way to live your life if it can be avoided".


I play in a R&B band (paid gigs), the local theatre pit orchestra (paid gigs), a community college wind ensemble, a church orchestra and a community big band. The last three groups are volunteer situations with no pay. The one I'm considering quitting is the big band. There are several reasons, some of which are:

Anyone can join no matter their level of playing, and once they're in it's impossible to dislodge them from a part. Even if they totally suck.

The leadership changed and the current leader has zero leadership skills, cannot conduct a proper rehearsal and chooses charts WAY above the playing level of most band members. The leader also has no idea how to be an MC at concerts and usually embarrasses us with his performance.

I've been with this big band for over a decade (playing lead) and my frustration grows every month. When I get home from rehearsals, my wife knows not to ask how it went because I'm pretty pissed off when I get home. "Why do you keep doing this if they make you so mad?", she has asked on more than one occasion. Until about a year ago, the big band was my only outlet for playing aside from the occasional pick-up gig or sub with another group. Nowadays I'm pretty busy with the paid gigs and the church orchestra, so there's really no reason to subject myself to the hassles that come from dealing with the folks in the big band There are two saxes and a couple of trumpet players that are good and the rhythm section is pretty tight. One of my bone players is good and another is too except he cannot sight read and counting rests eludes him. The other two bones are pretty bad but have anchor seats from being with the band for over 25 years.

I was on the fence about quitting, but reading all these stories from other folks in the same situation has made me think really hard about what I need to do concerning the big band. We have a concert next week (that we are totally unprepared for) and I'm leaning hard towards making it my final gig with them.

As to the mentions of experiences in military bands, I had a great time playing in Marine Corps field band and enjoyed the military aspects of it (weapons qual, physical fitness, field exercises and all that gung ho stuff).

[tbdana]

I hear you about the community big band. I'm in the same situation.

This community big band was the first big band I played in when I started playing again 22 months ago, and I stay in it for sentimental reasons. I could easily fall into irritation and frustration, like you. But I manage to keep it in perspective and enjoy it.

Are the players great? No. There are some competent players, and some incompetent players, and a few decent players. Once someone is in a chair, they cannot be dislodged unless they quit or die, no matter how bad they are. There are folks who have been in that band for years and still cannot play their parts. They recognize that I may be at a higher level, and one person actually asked my spouse last night why I continue to be in their band.

My answer is that I dig their joy of playing and want to share it.

So what if they're not good and never will be? This isn't about sounding like a pro band. It's about people enjoying music, expressing themselves, and enjoying each other. And you know what? I can do that too! Not everything has to be the best music in the world. Sometimes just the act of doing it with others is more than enough.

Still, every stinkin' rehearsal I try to gently or with humor inspire folks to do one thing better than they were. It usually doesn't work, though. Frankly, most of them can't hear it and don't understand what I'm saying. So my choice is that I can either get frustrated, which serves no purpose, or I can find the joy and satisfaction that the other players are finding and experience it with them. It's there. Everyone else knows where it is. Only a "you're not good enough for me" attitude could prevent me from finding it, too.

So I just put my irrational expectation that the community band should sound like Gordon Goodwin's band aside and enjoy it for what it is, and for the wonderful people who are giving their own time from their families and lives to be there. And it is a blast!

[JTeagarden]

Where I currently live, I would have to drive 90 minutes one way to play in an ensemble made up of competent, college-trained musicians, and being newly married, am reluctent to spend so much time away.

It's all about population density: Given the population density of Michiana, where I currently live, it's not a question of finding good musicians, it's more a matter of finding someone who owns the instrument you need .

So I take the good with the bad, and very much enjoy putting out some reasonably quality sounds on bass trombone in the community band and leading by example, the audiences seem to enjoy it, and it is not my place to tell them they should not!

At some point, I will move back to a more urban setting, and have a lot more playing opportunities, and maybe form another big band. For now, shedding on my new axe (mid-70s Bach 50B2) is an awful lot of fun, and time very well spent: I enjoy not fighting my horn (which I didn't even know I was doing: Horns do a certain thing, my Yamaha 613G and I, it turns out, were not seeing "eye-to-eye.")

There are hundreds (thousands, maybe?) of better trombone players in the world, but I quit trying to measure myself against other players long ago, I measure myself against how I sounded last week, and aim for consistency!

[officermayo]

I hear you about the community big band. I'm in the same situation.



Are the players great? No. There are some competent players, and some incompetent players, and a few decent players. Once someone is in a chair, they cannot be dislodged unless they quit or die, no matter how bad they are. There are folks who have been in that band for years and still cannot play their parts. They recognize that I may be at a higher level, and one person actually asked my spouse last night why I continue to be in their band.

My answer is that I dig their joy of playing and want to share it.

So what if they're not good and never will be? This isn't about sounding like a pro band. It's about people enjoying music, expressing themselves, and enjoying each other. And you know what? I can do that too! Not everything has to be the best music in the world. Sometimes just the act of doing it with others is more than enough.

This band WAS good up until a few years ago. Do I expect everyone to play up to my level? Of course not. Only a few members are former pros. Some are deaf and therefore cannot play anything close to being in tune. One trombonist can't play past 4th position (why, I don't know). Bottom line is I'm happy for you that you're able to smile and not be concerned about the level of your band's performance. I cannot. Do I expect perfection? Absolutely not. Do I expect to spend most of rehearsal time going over the same passages again and again because although they're retired and have loads of time on their hands, they refuse to practice at home before a rehearsal?
Do I expect them to NOT use rehearsal time for social activities and gab among themselves while the leader is trying to talk about a section of the chart and then turn to me and holler, "WHAT DID HE SAY? over and over? You betcha.

Call me unforgiving, call me a jerk, call me a cab or call me irresponsible. I can't deal with it.

[Mr412]

...Do I expect everyone to play up to my level? Of course not. Only a few members are former pros. Some are deaf and therefore cannot play anything close to being in tune. One trombonist can't play past 4th position (why, I don't know). Bottom line is I'm happy for you that you're able to smile and not be concerned about the level of your band's performance. I cannot. Do I expect perfection? Absolutely not. Do I expect to spend most of rehearsal time going over the same passages again and again because although they're retired and have loads of time on their hands, they refuse to practice at home before a rehearsal?
Do I expect them to NOT use rehearsal time for social activities and gab among themselves while the leader is trying to talk about a section of the chart and then turn to me and holler, "WHAT DID HE SAY? over and over? You betcha.
...

We must have been in the same community bands together. I mean, you nailed it.

Yeah, those who only take their musical instrument out when there's a rehearsal or gig - and they sound like it!

Those who insist on playing the higher chairs, but can't. Seating in community bands is more seniority than ability.

How about the musical directors who insist on performing charts that are WAY above the level of the group and sometimes, even the conductors.

It's a shame, b/c there really are some pretty darn good players in community bands and under ideal circumstances, a band can enrich a local community. I played in one that inspired a community. Not b/c I was that good, but b/c the group clicked on all cylinders and we played well within ourselves. And that was due in no small way, to the musical director who chose charts that made us shine.

At first, it was a joy for me to play in community groups. Then it got a bit tedious and then it got downright painful and more irritating than rewarding. I guess I could give it a go again where I live, but I don't want to commit. And to do it right & well, is a commitment.

[TomInME]

One of the groups I quit (out of 2? 3?) was a quintet I’d played in for about 12 years. It was a personality conflict. We were all respectful, and were all willing to put forth new and different ideas… until one of the trumpet players left. The new player was less of a team player, and often took up too much rehearsal time with jokes, anecdotes, not-so-good-natured ribbing of other players, etc.

The last straw for me was when we were playing a corporate Xmas party. For the second set, I kicked a tune off at the tempo we’d rehearsed, played the first few bars, and then the trumpet player part came in at a much faster tempo. After the gig (and after I’d calmed down a bit) I asked them why. “I just thought it would sound better at a faster tempo.” When I mentioned that good ensemble playing implies playing in the same tempo, similar articulation (unless marked), listening to each other, their response was something like, “Yeah, I know. I just like it faster.”

I thought about it for a few days, and then had lunch and a few beers with the tuba player (leader). I said I didn’t want to be in a group where one of us wasn’t a team player. I’d considered saying, “If he stays, I go,” but thought better of it: ultimatums are just bad form. I suggested a good replacement, which wasn’t honored.

That was a hard decision, even though I know it was right.

It only takes one ego to ruin a quintet, and usually they have five.

[Mikebmiller]

I'm on the verge of quitting or at least taking a long break from my community band. It's just not that much fun any more. The director, who is a great guy and longtime friend, has a habbit of rambling on and on in rehearsal telling stories that nobody cares about. And for whatever reason, they haven't been able to find a place to play a spring concert this year until the middle of May, so they are rehearsing the same damn music for 4 months, which is just driving me nuts, as it is stuff that a good player could do in 2 rehearsals. And we now have 9 flutes which means we have 9 flute pitches. And I just joined a very good brass ensemble to go along with the other brass band and bit band I am in, so community band has slipped to the bottom of the priority list.

[tbdana]

And we now have 9 flutes which means we have 9 flute pitches.

I have felt your pain.

[Mikebmiller]

And we now have 9 flutes which means we have 9 flute pitches.

I have felt your pain.

LOL this past Sunday I shot video for a community band a about 75 miles down the road from me and they had 17 flutes. It seems that the director is also the local flute teacher and all her students play in the band. They were actually pretty well in tune and not too loud, so she must be a good teacher.

[Bach5G]

I think the time is coming for me. I’be been in and out of the band over a 30 year period, most recently a 10-year stretch in the band. It’s a solid group with a good book, but the experience may have become a bit stagnant.

[Bach5G]

A pretty good big band offered me a spot and I accepted. That meant leaving an orchestra I’d been in for 20 years (conflicting rehearsal times). I also left the big band I’d been in for over 30 years.

The new band has a gig coming up in May and last night we had a sectional. What a treat! I realized how stale things had got with the old band.

I might miss the orch a bit though.